Pairing: JJ/Emily (friendship), Emily/Jordan
Word Count: 1192
Warnings/spoilers: Agent Todd
Summary/prompt: Now that she’s hurt she can’t run away from you anymore
A/N: The prompt was to be JJ/any team member or JJ-centric gen. This is as close as I can come to that. Know that I’ve tried as hard as I could.
In the end it had taken Emily taking a bullet to the thigh to get the two of you speaking again. Both of you noticed her distancing herself from you after Jordan Todd had been introduced to you as the liaison of a fellow BAU team but neither of you had the guts to confront the topic. Or rather you hadn’t the guts. Because Emily was the one actively pulling away from you.
Again and again you tried to think of something you could have done to drive her away from you but even though you tried as hard as you could you never got a satisfactory answer. And asking her wasn’t working either because every time you tried to get her into a room alone with you she ran away. But lying in a hospital bed, machines monitoring pulse and blood pressure because the bullet had grazed the artery and she had almost been lying in that basement alone without treatment 3 minutes too long, she could do little to run away from you. She could do nothing in fact. And you forced her to listen. To listen to you telling her over the beeping sound everyone always connected to hospitals how you missed the nights out with Garcia. How your friendship was the best that had ever happened to you. How you missed sharing drinks and laughter at either your house or her condo after work when you were having another DVD night or just generally ‘girl time’ as Morgan had once put it. How you missed talking to her when you had been stood up or in another way disappointed by yet another guy and how you missed listening to her stories about one more date screwed up by her geekiness. You told her that you needed her arms to cry in when a case had shaken you up so badly that only another team member would understand and how you needed to tell her in a soothing voice that she wasn’t like the UnSubs you chased because that made you know that you weren’t the only one facing those monsters. You told her you needed your best friend back.
And while you were telling her all this, knowing that she had to listen, that she couldn’t escape the conversation you were going to have after you had talked all this off your soul, she was looking at you with those big, dark doe eyes filled with guilt and pain and – you realized afterwards – fear. And when you had worked yourself up so that you were actually screaming at her what the hell you could have done to drive her away from you, what you could have said to make her suddenly stop wanting to spend time with you saw how she was about to draw blood because she was biting her lip so hard it had already become red and swollen. And the sudden silence filling the room because you didn’t know what to do with this image was deafening on your ears.
“What is it, Emily?” you whispered but she only shook her head, biting her lip a little harder. So you just looked at her, taking everything in. For a split second you think that someone watching you might think you were lovers because of the connection between you but you dismissed the thought immediately. Because there was nobody watching and because it was just ridiculous. You were straight. Both of you.
“Could you… could you come here?” she croaked and you had almost missed the words because you were so lost in your thoughts. But you didn’t and so crossed the room and sat down at the edge of her bed, smiling when she slowly took her hand in yours. You were silent again, you enjoying the closeness between you that you had so terribly missed and she fighting an internal fight you knew nothing about. After what could have been hours or merely seconds she asked, “Could you maybe call Jordan?”
And it takes you some time that she’s talking about Jordan Todd, the liaison of a fellow BAU team.
“Sure. What shall I tell her?” You actually heard her swallow.
“Tell her I’m okay. Tell her to stop worrying.” You heard her swallow again and then pull in a shaky breath. The hand around yours tightened. “Tell her I love her”
Now it’s you who has to swallow. Twice. And you don’t really know what to say except “Love her, huh?” She nods slowly.
“So you’re...” she nods again. “But why… why haven’t you told me?”
“It never occurred to me. I… I was always waiting for the right moment. Because what was I going to say? ‘Hey, I’m Emily and I’m gay?’”
“Yeah, isn’t it?”
“And the guys you told me about? The dates you screwed up by being your nerdy self?”
“Those dates existed. Only… only they weren’t dates with guys.”
“You lied to me.”
Silence again. The tears in her eyes have started running down her cheeks. Part of you wanted to hug her and tell her everything would be okay and that she was still your best friend, that you still loved her. Part of you was hurt that she didn’t trust you enough to tell you. That she chose to lie to you instead of being honest with you like friends were supposed to.
“Yes” she whispered and it struck you that she didn’t even ask for your forgiveness.
“Why did you… what made you stop spending time with me?”
The first time that night she looked you in the eyes. “My mother found out. She came by my apartment one night when Jordan was staying over. I… she… she started screaming when she realized what was happening between me and Jordan. Telling me what a shame it was that something like me was allowed to be a Prentiss. I am 38, JJ. And I still haven’t got used to the fact that my mother doesn’t care about me. I was just so afraid to lose you, too…”
You nodded. Partly because you slowly started to understand why she hadn’t told you, partly because you didn’t know what to say.
“You’ve hurt me, Em. It hurts to think that you had so little trust in me but… you’re not gonna lose me. I need you to much as my friend to let our friendship go. Just… just give me a little time to come to terms with the fact that you didn’t tell me such a big thing about your life.” You grinned. “Because like Garcia I love to hear all the saucy little gossip about my friends’ love life” The grin turned into a loving smile at the look of relieve on her face. “Just promise me not to do something like this again…”
She nodded. “I promise.”
“I love, you Em. I seriously do.” At seeing her watery smile you turned to leave the room.
“Where are you going?” she asked and a tiny little bit inside you cringed at the fearful tone in her voice.
You smile. “Outside. I can’t use my cell phone in here.”